MelissaA
Brenton
Shilpa Karhik
Military Assist Santa With 12 Days Of Xmas
December 16th 2006 02:15
The Department of Defence has put foward a motion to help Santa out with the Twelve Days of Christmas ..
The status of acquisitions has been decided as such:
* Day 1 - Partridge in a pear tree: The Army and Air Force are in the process of deciding whose area of responsibility Day 1 falls under. Since the partridge is a bird, the Air Force believes it should have control.
The Army however, feels trees are part of the land component area of responsibility. After 3 months of discussion a $1million study has been commissioned to decide who should head this joint program.
* Day 2 - Two turtledoves: Since doves are birds, the Air Force agin is claiming responsibility.
However, turtles are amphibious, so the Navy-Marine Corps team feels it should take control.
Initial studies have shown that Turtles and doves may have interoperability problems. Terms of reference are being coordinated for a four-year, $10 million study.
* Day 3 - Three French Hens: A Senate Committee on Foreign Affairs has blocked off-shore purchase of hens, from the French or anyone else. A $6 million program is being developed to find an acceptable domestic alternative.
* Day 4 - Four Calling Birds: Source selection has been completed, with the contract awarded to Telstra. However, the award is being challenged by a Small Disadvantaged Business.
* Day 5 - Five Golden Rings: No available rings meet military specifications for gold plating. A three-year, $5 million accelerated development program has been initiated.
* Day 6 - Six Geese a-Laying: The six geese have been acquired but a slight problem has occured with egg shells being very fragile. It might have been a mistake to build the production facility on a nuclear waste dump at a former now non-existant, military base.
* Day 7 - Seven Swans a-Swimming: Fourteen swans have been killed trying to get through the Navy SEAL training program. The program has been put on hold while the training procedures are reviewed to determine why the washout rate is so high.
* Day 8 - Eight Maids A-Milking: The entire class of Maids A Milking Training Program at Bodalla is involved in a sexual harassment suit against the Army. The program has been put on hold pending resolution of the lawsuit.
* Day 9 - Nine Ladies Dancing: Recruitment of the ladies dancing has been halted by a lawsuit from the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell Association." Members claim they have a right to dance and wear women's clothing as long as they're off duty.
* Day 10 - Ten Lords a-Leaping: The ten lords have been abducted by terrorists. $2 million in funding has been allocated to Special Ops to conduct a rescue operation.
* Day 11 - Eleven Pipers Piping: The pipe contractor delivered the pipes on time. However, he thought the Department of Defence wanted smoking pipes. The DOD lost the claim due to defective specifications. A $22 million dollar retrofit program is in process to amend the problem with the correct piping specifications.
* Day 12 - Twelve Drummers Drumming: Due to cutbacks only six billets are available for drumming drummers. the Department Of Defence is in the process of coordinating a pricing request to obtain the six additional drummers by outsourcing, however funds will not be available until February 07.
As a result of the above-mentioned programmatic delays, and due to the high operations speed required to support readiness, Christmas is hereby postponed until further notice.
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Comment by ThomasM
Fuel Saving Advice
Heidi's Blog
The armed forces still can't figure such s...tuff out!
hilarious
Blogtommy
Comment by MelissaA
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