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Australian Coat of Arms
With Australia going to the polls this Saturday to determine who the country will be run by for the next few years, I thought some political quotes from the past might be in order.

'Politics: “Poli” a Latin word meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "bloodsucking creatures"'. - Robin Williams

“We always want the best man to win an election. Unfortunately, he never runs.” - Will Rogers

"Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?" - Robert Orben


"Apparently, a democracy is a place where numerous elections are held at great cost without issues and with interchangeable candidates." - Gore Vidal

"All politicians should have 3 hats - one to throw into the ring, one to talk through, and one to pull rabbits out of if elected." - Carl Sandburg

"Some men change their party for the sake of their principles; others their principles for the sake of their party."


"Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other." - Oscar Ameringer

"Win or lose, we go shopping after the election." - Imelda Marcos

"Elections are held to delude the populace into believing that they are participating in government." - Gerald F. Lieberman

"Elections are won by men and women chiefly because most people vote against somebody rather than for somebody." - Franklin P. Adams

“The magician and the politician have much in common: they both have to draw our attention away from what they are really doing.”- Ben Okri

"Our elections are free, it's in the results where eventually we pay." - Bill Stern

"Wars and elections are both too big and too small to matter in the long run. The daily work - that goes on, it adds up." - Barbara Kingsolver


“Political elections are a good deal like marriages, there's no accounting for anyone's taste” - Will Rogers


"Advertising men and politicians are dangerous if they are separated. Together they are diabolical." - Phillip Adams


“The only thing we learn from a new election is we learned nothing from the old” - Gerald Barzan

“The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election” - George Carlin


“I'll be glad to reply to or dodge your questions, depending on what I think will help our election most.” - George Bush

"Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build bridges even when there are no rivers." - Nikita Khruschev

"An election is a moral horror, as bad as a battle except for the blood; a mud bath for every soul concerned in it." - George Bernard Shaw


"Nothing is so admirable in politics as a short memory." - John Kenneth Galbraith


“A politician is a fellow who gives you the key to the city after he's taken everything worth having.”

“Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.” - John Quinton

"Never vote for the best candidate, vote for the one who will do the least harm." - Frank Dane

"Hell, I never vote for anybody. I always vote against." - W.C. Fields


“Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.” - Doug Larson

“I have come to the conclusion that politics are too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.” - Charles de Gaulle
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One URGENT One For The Golfers

August 17th 2010 01:14
golfcourse
For all the guys out there who like to play golf, but don't have time to interrupt their game for those little unexpected urgencies of life....


[ Click here to read more ]
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Tech support for a wireless phone company received a call from an irate lady who could not understand why she would be billed for "airtime." Tech support explained to her it was because she had exceeded the minutes in her plan, and after that she is charged by the minute. She was still irate. Finally, she asked why she thought she should not be charged for airtime. Her reply, "I wasn't even on an airplane last month!"

An exasperated woman called a tech support help desk saying she couldn't turn on her new computer.
[ Click here to read more ]
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"I Was In Tears!" Missing Missy

August 1st 2010 23:45
Cat up tree
Ok, so you may think I'm being a bit slack by just posting a link to something I found on the web, but honestly, I couldn't do it justice to describe it. All I can say is I found it so absolutely hilarious, "I was in tears!"

~*~Missing Missy~*~
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The Effects of Glasses on People!

July 13th 2010 02:11
Isn't it funny how easily perceptions of people can change depending on whether or not they wear glasses.
Don't know what I'm talking about??? Then have a look at this!
perceptions

[ Click here to read more ]
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Ahoy There Me Facebook Hearties!

June 4th 2010 03:59
Facebook login screen
Calling any and all Facebookers who like to have inane, and idiotic bits of fun!

I was given these instructions by a friend recently, and I enjoyed the outcome so much, I've kept my Facebook setup like this. (Yes, slightly sad I know, but I don't get out much recreationally speaking.)

[ Click here to read more ]
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BP - Trying to Be Positive

June 1st 2010 03:50
Oils spill Gulf of mexico
With the ongoing drama of the oil spillage n the Gulf of Mexico, thanks to the incompetence of BP, a fake BP Public Relations Twitter account has not only been set up, but attracts a massively larger amount of followers than genuine BP Twitter accounts.

But then again, with comments like those being submitted, is it really any surprise??? Here's a few prime examples:

[ Click here to read more ]
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HAPPY ROAMING HAGGIS!

May 7th 2010 11:12
According to a recent survey by Just-Eat, not everyone in The United Kingdom actually knows what the Scottish delicacy, haggis is.

Of the 1,623 British people polled:

[ Click here to read more ]
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DOH!!! 10 Of The WORST JOB INTERVIEWEES!

February 27th 2010 00:05
job interview under the magnifying glass
As I steady myself for a round of gruelling job interviews, I began to wonder about what the worst possible things you could do in a job interview would be.
As it turns out, a survey in the US by Careerbuilder.com of 3000 hiring managers managed to compile a list of the top 10, and here they are.

[ Click here to read more ]
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When Your Ship Comes In!

February 22nd 2010 01:09
As my ship is due in today (literally!) I thought I'd retell a tale of old, that has happened to a few people in life, most often in a hotel room, but in this case on a cruise ship where you would think it would be a little more obvious.

cruise ship
A passenger on a luxury cruise ship rings reception somewhat upset about a 'faulty electrical appliance' in her cabin that she demands needs fixing immediately.

[ Click here to read more ]
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A Little VALENTINE'S Day HUMOUR!!!

February 14th 2010 00:01
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

Valentines herpes sign
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, “I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?’”

[ Click here to read more ]
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RHYMES For ANTI-VALENTINES!

February 12th 2010 23:54
OK, so Valentine's day isn't for everyone, so in the spirit of not leaving anyone out, here is a short collection of anti-valentines rhymes.

Cupid shot me with an arrow so I ripped his wings off
My feelings for you no words can tell.
[ Click here to read more ]
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A Bank That Certainly Has Your Number!!!

February 10th 2010 22:00
Another story from the year 1993, this time in relation to a banking error of a different sort.

bank notes
A bank in the UK hatched a plan to target its 2000 wealthiest clients in an attempt to improve their own bottom line by selling them additional banking services. They therefore had one of their IT employees design a computer program to search the bank databases to retrieve the information on the 2000 clients, and send an automatic mail out. The software programmer decided to test his program out on an imaginary customer he named Rich Bastard.

[ Click here to read more ]
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A VALENTINE For OSAMA BIN LADEN!

February 9th 2010 23:27
Osama Bin Laden
Peter comes home from first grade and tells his father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," he asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?"

Peter's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"

[ Click here to read more ]
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