MelissaA
Brenton
Shilpa Karhik
Funny Christmas Quotes
December 24th 2006 00:30
"Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space."
Dave Barry
"In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church; the Jews called it 'Hanukka' and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say 'Merry Christmas!' or 'Happy Hanukka!' or (to the atheists) 'Look out for the wall!'"
Dave Barry
"Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day."
Phyllis Diller
"The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband."
Joan Rivers.
"Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet."
"Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven."
W.C. Fields
"I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white man would be coming into my neighborhood after dark."
Dick Gregory
"Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, He must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, Must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe that he's smoking?"
Arlo Guthrie
"Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas."
Johnny Carson.
"I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included."
Bernard Manning.
"Dear Lord, I've been asked, nay commanded, to thank Thee for the Christmas turkey before us... a turkey which was no doubt a lively, intelligent bird... a social being... capable of actual affection... nuzzling its young with almost human- like compassion. Anyway, it's dead and we're gonna eat it. Please give our respects to its family... "
Berke Breathed "
"The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin."
Jay Leno.
"A Christmas shopper's complaint is one of long-standing."
Jay Leno.
"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph."
Shirley Temple
"Let me see if I've got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn't laundering illegal drug money?"
Tom Armstrong
"Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer... Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?"
Bill Watterson, Calvin & Hobbes
"Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year."
P. J. O'Rourke
"There is no ideal Christmas; only the one Christmas you decide to make as a reflection of your values, desires, affections, traditions."
Bill McKibben
"Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful."
Norman Vincent Peale
"There has been only one Christmas - the rest are anniversaries."
W.J. Cameron.
"Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year."
Victor Borge
"There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them."
P.J. O'Rourke.
"Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall."
Larry Wilde.
"Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love."
Hamilton Wright Mabi
"Let us remember that the Christmas heart is a giving heart, a wide open heart that thinks of others first. The birth of the baby Jesus stands as the most significant event in all history, because it has meant the pouring into a sick world of the healing medicine of love which has transformed all manner of hearts for almost two thousand years... Underneath all the bulging bundles is this beating Christmas heart."
George Matthew Adams
"I wish we could put up some of the Christmas spirit in jars and open a jar of it every month."
Harlan Miller
"If there is no joyous way to give a festive gift, give love away."
"The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other."
"Peace on earth will come to stay, when we live Christmas every day."
Helen Steiner Rice
"MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!"
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Comment by Anonymous
personally i'll take the coal, thank you!
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Comment by Anonymous
VERY IMMATURE GUYS!
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Comment by rawr~
Can't we all just get along?
No?
Well then, let the fight begin!
Yo mamma.
Comment by Anonymous
Comment by Anonymous
TO ALL
Comment by Anonymous
TO ALL
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Comment by Anonymous
NOT TO BANG PEOPLE!!!!
unless it's me bangin my boyfriend
Comment by Anonymous
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Comment by Anonymous
Jesus would be grossed out if he could see you guys. And quotes yet!!! UGH!
blah. Christian = Hater.
Comment by Anonymous
Comment by Timber-Chan
Does anyone actually read the bible? 1 John 4:11
Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.
I find it very...interesting that you are fighting on a page that was meant to bring happiness as that is one of the main themes of Christmas.
You know, other than the CHRISTmas part.
Comment by AnonymousT
Awesome quotes, laughing so hard
Comment by Anonymous
to me this says 'merry Christmas'
Comment by Anonymous
Comment by Anonymous
Christmas is a time for peace, love, and joy. Its a time meant to be spent with loved ones worshiping and praising God for sending his one and only son to the earth to save mankind from our sins. It's extremely upsetting how people distort the holiday season.
It is not the time of year to be calling people names or insulting everybody, it's time to be happy and joyus and giving towards your brothers and sisters of the world.
Comment by Anonymous
Comment by Anonymous
I work hard in life, and give love where it's deserved to make this world a better place. I don't need to follow a rule book to have morals, nor to bring my children up to be good.
Comment by Anonymous
Comment by Anonymous
i lovee christmas and i dont know what to get my bf.. what do you all think.?
he likes:
football.
baseball.
beer.
&& me.<3
im stumped, someone help me!!!
Comment by Anonymous
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Comment by BSC
And for the record... The date of Christmas was carried over from the Pagan winter solstice, so pagans did not have to remember another date when they converted (usually forcibly) to Christianity. Same reaon Easter is on the same date as the spring solstice. Not really relevant at all, but an interesting point to ponder.
Anyways, Happy Holidays to all!
Comment by Anonymous
If Jesus existed then there is absolutely no way to know what day he was born so for Christians to get so self righteous about this time of year is a bit silly really.
In fact I've decided despite being an agnostic I am going to start believing in Jesus but I'm going to celebrate his birthday on ummmmmmmm lets see July 13th no-one can prove to me he wasnt born then end of story.
So my point is not one person here has the right to tell another how to celebrate christmas so whether you want to celebrate Christmas or Hanukkah (sorry if that isnt spelt right) or the Winter solstice/yule or worship at the altar of commecialism thats fine me. Just have a happy time enjoy life and stop worrying about what others are doing
peace out, rant over.
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Comment by Anonymous
cuz i can b mean too
Comment by Anonymous
cuz i can b mean too
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Comment by Anonymous
saabka christmas!
(ask an indian friend to translate)
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Comment by Anonymous
i lovee christmas and i dont know what to get my bf.. what do you all think.?
he likes:
football.
baseball.
beer.
&& me.<3
im stumped, someone help me!!!" reply---
umm get him a football a baseballl and some beer. duh
Comment by Anonymous
Comment by Anonymous
ALL HE DOES IS PUT LITTLE KIDS IN HIS LAP
Comment by Anonymous
ALL HE DOES IS PUT LITTLE KIDS IN HIS LAP