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The Things PEOPLE Actually SAY!!!!

November 5th 2008 10:00
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: 'I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,'
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)


"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.'
--Mariah Carey


questions
'Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,'
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign .


'I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,'
-- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.


'Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,'
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.


'That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,'
--A congressional candidate in
Texas.


'Half this game is ninety percent mental.'
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark


'It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.'
--Al Gore, Vice President


'I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix.'
-- Dan Quayle


'We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need ?'
--Lee Iacocca


'The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.'
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.


'We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.'
-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor.


'Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.'
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina


'Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas.'
--Keppel Enderbery


'If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record.'
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
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The FUNNY SIDE Of The CREDIT CRUNCH!!!

October 15th 2008 09:25
Q. What's the difference between investment bankers and pigeons?
A. The pigeons are still capable of making deposits on new BMW's.

[ Click here to read more ]
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MOWED DOWN!!!

July 29th 2008 12:55
Lawnmowers can be annoying at the best of times - especially if you're having a lie in on a Sunday morning and the neighbour decides that 6am is an appropriate time to start cutting the grass, but one man from Milwaukee recently discovered that an annoying lawnmower can get you into much more trouble - particulary if you also happen to be armed with a sawn-off shotgun!

Having spent the morning drinking, (as we all do!) he decided at some point to attempt to mow the lawn.

[ Click here to read more ]
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The Questions People Ask!

July 16th 2008 10:30
koala
Having been asked the other day whether we, as Australians, live in actual houses? (As opposed to what I don't know - tents perhaps???) I've decided to list some of the most common questions asked by visitors to Australia as were pointed out recently by one of our tourism websites.


Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I've never seen it rain on TV. How do your plants grow? (UK)
[ Click here to read more ]
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Machine Guns and Warfare? Never!

July 14th 2008 10:30
Douglas Haig
Field Marshal Douglas Haig, born June 19, 1861 was a senior British commander during World War I and has been regarded as somewhat of an idiot.
Known as the "Butcher of the Somme", he had a reputation for issuing orders which led to excessive casualties of British troops and never actually visited the direct warfront.

[ Click here to read more ]
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black cat on a pole
Over in Georgia, a man by the name of Carl Miles once possessed a 'talking' cat.

He would take his cat out to street corners where the cat would say "I Love You" and "I Want My Mamma". Both he and the cat would then collect money from passers-by.

[ Click here to read more ]
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toilet
Sometimes you wonder exactly what you pay your taxes for!

The other day we visited the old Viking and Roman town of York, UK.

[ Click here to read more ]
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gravestone headstone
Imagine how you would feel if people started calling you on the phone to find out whether or not you were dead or actually still alive!

This was the shock experienced by one 71 year old man by the name of Andy Lees in the UK recently.

[ Click here to read more ]
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The Tale of One Stupid Terrorist!

February 5th 2008 09:45
In 1994, a fundamentalist group in Jordan began a series of terror attacks on a selected group of sites that were involved in the selling of alcohol and other associated 'evils'.

bomb
One member of the group was sent with a sizeable explosive device to a cinema that was screening Turkish soft-core pornography.

[ Click here to read more ]
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In 2001, council officials from Nottingham, England, after observing how much money was saved in Mediterranean countries through the use of solar powered parking meters, decided that the idea was good enough to install back home. Thus, they ordered £1.1 million Pay-and-Display solar powered parking meters for their local council area.

However they overlooked one very important detail.

[ Click here to read more ]
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We recently visited some caves that are found in Cheshire's, Peak District, UK which make up a section of the Pennines.

One of these was a tour by boat down the tunnels and caverns of the miners from long ago.

[ Click here to read more ]
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airbus
Ok, another story I once came across, I don't know if it's true or not, but if it did ever occur then hats off to the flight crew!


On a British Airways flight from Johannesburg, a middle-aged, well-off white South African lady has found herself sitting next to a black man. She called the cabin crew attendant over to complain about her seating.
[ Click here to read more ]
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One Cranky Airline Passenger

July 21st 2007 09:38
Apologies all for the blog hold up - we missed our flight connections the other day and have been sleeping in airports trying to get on standby for flights. So things hopefully will be back on track a little more now that we've finally made it home, although don't expect me to make much sense at the moment with all the jet-lag, not that I ever do much anyway.

Here's a little tidbit I came across a long time ago that I thought was kind of relevant for the situation, considering come of the behaviours we witnessed while attempting to get new flights booked.

[ Click here to read more ]
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An oldie, but a goodie and well worth revisiting, especially while I'm currently o/s.

United States of America
Real stories told by Travel agents about why most Americans shouldn't ever be allowed to travel.

[ Click here to read more ]
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