Australian - Humour

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Having been asked the other day whether we, as Australians, live in actual houses? (As opposed to what I don't know - tents perhaps???) I've decided to list some of the most common questions asked by visitors to Australia as were pointed out recently by one of our tourism websites.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I've never seen it rain on TV. How do your plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all of our plants fully grown and then sit around watching them die.

Q: My wife and I enjoy walking tours. How long will it take us to get from Perth to Sydney on foot? (Canada)
A: How long did it take you to do your last 4,000 kilometre walk? Bring a bottle of water.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? If so, can you send me a list of all of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: What is the weather like in Vienna in May? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney, and is milk available year-round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful nation of vegan hunters and gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Are the rattlesnakes in Melbourne deadly? Do you sell anti-venom at the grocery store? (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-mer-i-ca, which is where you come from. Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make great pets.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? If so, when? (France)
A: Occasionally, and if so than during our Christmas annual leave.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go in Australia? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

What are some of the more bizarre questions you've ever heard or been asked about your own country?

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Posted By: MelissaA - Category: American, Animals, Australian, Countries, Humour, Idiots, Loose Ends

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Jokes Guaranteed To Offend

April 16th 2008 08:25

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

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Posted By: MelissaA - Category: American, Animals, Australian, Countries, Humour, Loose Ends

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Temperature And The SCOTS!!!

August 4th 2007 00:40

When it's:

25 degrees:
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Posted By: MelissaA - Category: Australian, Countries, Humour, Loose Ends

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Fantastic April Fools Day Pranks Of The Past!

April 2nd 2007 00:25

I'm sure most (if not all) of you have cottoned onto the real story behind yesterdays post. Indeed there is nothing actually wrong with the skywalk. (Yes, it is real the only fabrication was the closing down again part.) So after yesterdays post I thought enlighten you with some other April fools day pranks of the past.

* The Guardian printed a supplement in 1977 praising the location of a fictional resort - San Serriffe, its two main islands (Upper Caisse and Lower Caisse), its capital (Bodoni), and its leader (General Pica). Intrigued readers were later disappointed to learn that San Serriffe (sans serif) did not exist except as references to typeface terminology.
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Posted By: MelissaA - Category: American, Australian, Humour, Interesting Facts, Interesting History, Loose Ends

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Previous Daylight Saving Time Issues

March 23rd 2007 00:25

With Daylight Saving Time ending this weekend for some states of Australia, (That’s right boys and girls – be prepared to put your watches and clocks BACKWARDS one hour.)

I thought I’d remind you all of some relevant mishaps that can be found at webexhibits.org.
These are occasions when Daylight Saving Time caused slightly more than an issue or two due to the actual changing of the time.

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Posted By: MelissaA - Category: American, Australian, Countries, Humour, Interesting Facts, Interesting History, Loose Ends

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Even More Australian Facts

February 20th 2007 00:25

Parliament House, Canberra

* In 1977, Alan Jones scored a surprise victory in the Austrian Grand Prix. Initially officials were going to play the Austrian anthem but then realised that Australia and Austria were not the same country. Unfortunately, they didn't have the Australian anthem so instead a local drunk played "Happy Birthday to You" on a trumpet.

* In 1983, the yacht "Australia II" ended the Americans 132 year dominance of the America's cup.
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Posted By: MelissaA - Category: Animals, Australian, Humour, Interesting Facts, Interesting History

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